The death of a mother's son

I'm not exactly sure why but for the last few weeks I have been letting things slip by me.  Perhaps it is because I knew I would was going to start work once again -- although 3 days a week for 3 hours certainly shouldn't bite into too much of my personal time.  Still I didn't really know how much time I would spend on the new job.  I wasn't told to expect 3 days a week or 7.  Therefore I went on a few short trips before my big day at the new job.  I am not one to let a good time slip away.

However the piper must eventually pay.  Today was my pay back day.  I started the day writing out checks to pay bills.  The big one to Kurt Prenzler CPA and County Treasurer was a bit painful to write but I reminded myself how fortunate I am to own my home and to have an IRA to get the money to pay my real estate taxes.  Millions of people are not that fortunate.  That knowledge eased the pain somewhat as I wrote the check.  Next I wrapped a couple of packages to be mailed to family, sorted mail into stacks to read and to throw away, washed dishes and clothes, read my e-mail and finally got cleaned up to go to get fingerprinted.

I don't understand why bartenders are required to be fingerprinted but Muny management says it is a requirement so I made an appointment at St. Louis University to be fingerprinted once again.  I have been fingerprinted twice before because I worked for a bank and a brokerage company.  I understand the two previous fingerprinting requirements but for a bartender?  I know, stop your belly aching and get on with your story.  The point is I had to go to the post office to get a money order to pay for the fingerprinting --$52.20, yee gads-- and to mail the packages.  The big black lady who waited on me was so friendly.  I liked her immediately but then again, who don't I like? (I could name a couple of people but they really aren't worth wasting your or my time on.)  Maybe I liked her because she said she like my hair color and then added how lucky I was to have such a beautiful natural color.  It has been so many years since I last saw my natural color I no longer remember what it looked like.  I digress, again.  The nice lady asked the usual questions; do I need stamps, insurance on the packages, anything fragile, etc.  I told her no, one package was a small gift to a sweet little niece who had badly cut her ankle and had to have emergency surgery.  We discussed how sad to start her summer vacation like that and then she told me a much sadder story.  A friend's son had tragically been killed.  A young 19 year old.  She said the boy was bad and that people were saying good riddance.  This warm compassionate woman wasn't thinking of the wasted life, she was concerned for her friend, the mother of this young man.  Her friend was all alone.  All she had was this worthless son.  How sad.  This mother will grieve the rest of her life for her only child.  We mothers are like that, you know.  Good or bad, that child was her baby.  A baby she carried in her womb for 9 months.  For 9 months she talked to him and told him how much he was going to be loved.  For 9 months she yearned to hold her precious baby in her arms and kiss his sweet tiny hands and feet.  For 9 months she dreamed big dreams of this baby's future.  Then the day of his birth arrived and for 19 years she loved him and cared for him the best she knew how.  She will now grieve for the rest of her life wondering where she went wrong.

My day started with all the mundane little things that must be performed day after day.  Then quite by chance I met a woman who was hurting for her friend and my perspective of the whole day has changed.  How blessed I am to have my children and grandchildren in my life.  They aren't perfect and they have many problems, but they are alive and well and facing the day to day challenges to the best of their abilities.  The way I would?  Of course not, but they are trying and whose to say my way is right?  After all, I am divorced and living alone with very little income.  Who cares, this girl is happy in the knowledge that I am loved.