Here I Go Again

So there I was one day last week just doing my thing and going about my business when suddenly, out of the blue I started crying.  Not little tears welling up softly around the edges of my eyes.  No, great big monstrous tears rolling down my cheeks accompanied by sobs of despair.

Where the hell did that come from?

That's the way depression hits sometimes.  Suddenly like a bolt of lightning only instead of bright light and tingling with energy this is a bolt of uncontrollable melancholy that hurts like you've been struck across the face really hard but there is no one there to get bad at for striking you.  This is an invincible pain that hurts so bad it drops you to your knees but you don't know why.  It's heavy chains holding you in a deep dark dungeon where no one can hear your cries for help.

Not to worry, I have tools in my toolbox for occasions such as this.  The first strike is the hardest because it comes without warning.  I have contacted my doctor (that is always fun trying to explain the problem through uncontrollable burst of sobs) and am back on my meds.  Lot of good that does since it takes a month before they work.

My toolbox is chock full of good things to get me through the next three weeks until my serotonin is back to normal.  Once again I've gotten out my paints and art journal.  My art journal is not full of sunny happy pictures but that is not the place I occupy at this moment.  Those days will return. 

I am starting to feel optimistic once again just being able to acknowledge that I believe in my future.