What is Courage?

Last month several of my family members and I went to Tennessee for yet another adventure.  This time our destination was Ocoee, TN to go whitewater rafting.

I do not swim so I was scared to death but determined to do it.  That morning I was unusually quiet as I contemplated what was before me.  A half hour before we were to board a bus with 20 to 30 other adventure seekers we were introduced to the five tour guides hired to take us safely over the rapids.  I solemnly looked them over and decided I wanted the big tall long hair hippie dude to be our guide.  He looked experienced and strong enough to grab me by the nap of my neck and yank me back into the raft should I fall out.

As luck would have it, the water god was on my side that day.  The big guy, Woody, was to be our guide.  Before grabbing our life jackets, helmets and oars Woody gave us safety instructions and asked if there were any issues he should be aware of.  With none being thrown out there, he suggested we all put on our gear and board the bus. 

I knew the issues Woody was talking about were health issues, but my fear of water was hitting me pretty hard so I pulled him aside and told him of my fears.  I told him I was a coward, couldn't swim and was afraid of panicking and hurting someone else who may be trying to help me.  He reacted in the oddest way.  He didn't say a word at first, he only looked at me as if to say "then what the hell are you doing here?" and I was thinking the same thing.  After a moment he said I didn't need to swim, if I should fall out I would float to the top and someone would pull me in.  He then walked away shaking his head leaving me alone to think about his answer.

I quietly followed him and boarded the bus with my family members and the other happy thrill seekers.  The 20 to 30 minute bus ride gave me time to think over Woody's response to my "true confessions".   What was I doing this for if I was such a coward?

Then it came to me.  I am not a coward.  I, like everyone else has fears.  So that my fears do cannot take control over me, I practice a healthy habit of facing my fears head on to show them that I am master of my destiny.

I have a fear of heights yet I have gone skydiving, rock climbing, rappelling. and zip lining.  I have a fear of water and yet I went snorkeling off the shores of Mexico and now I was going whitewater rafting.

Henry David Thoreau said "Cowards suffer, heroes enjoy".  Each and every time I have faced my fear and won I have felt like a hero even though I have done nothing heroic.  And yes, it has made me very happy so perhaps I am both coward and hero in my own heart.  I suffer when I face my fear and then I rejoice in my joy when I win the battle against my personal fears.