In a Reading FRENZY

For the last couple of months I have been in a reading frenzy.  I've been in this state of emotional reading before but always when I was depressed.  I am not depressed just in an unexplainable mood for any type of reading material. 

Weird, huh?  I don't even care what I am reading, just give me reading material.  I have read murder mysteries, documentaries, cook books, self-help books, children's books, young readers books, and of course the classics. 

I haven't kept track of the books I have read.  Perhaps I should do that, or maybe not.  If I knew how many I would then be faced with how little I have done in the last few months besides reading.

Last night I called my daughter-in-law to borrow another book from her.  The book I was interested in reading (Two for the Dough, another Stephanie Plum mystery) was already loaned out.  Being in the frenzy that I am, I just couldn't wait.  I got on my e-book and ordered the book right then and there then proceeded to stay up and read the book to the end.  I knew I had things that really needed to be done so I promised myself a couple hours of reading then a little house work and off to bed.  I am like a drug addict, a couple of hours just isn't enough.  I had to have the whole thing.  I finished the book sometime around 2 A.M. and then pulled up another book on my faithful new friend, Kindle.

I can't afford all these books I keep buying from Kindle.  Fortunately, my daughter-in-law is also a book addict.  Tonight I will visit her and borrow her Stephanie Plum mystery series (all 17 of them).  That should keep me in my drug of choice high for a couple of weeks.

So if you can't find me, check under the blankets.  You just might find me there with my trusty flash light just like in my good ole' youth when Sue and I were sent to bed much too early.  My addiction to reading goes back a long way.

Truth or Brick

While surfing the Net this morning I came across a truly funny blog.  I highly recommend it to all my friends.  It is laugh out loud funny.  She has clever drawings accompanying her blog that bring her story to life.  Allie's blog line is entitled HYPERBOLE AND A HALF.  I would set up a link for my followers to jump right in there and see her blog but since I am techno-stupid you'll have to find her blog the hard way - which isn't all that hard so just do it.  You'll be glad you did.

The blog I am writing about is entitled 7 Games You Can Play With A Brick.

A Brick? you ask!  Yes, that's right.

Her seven suggestions are as follows:

1)  Brick Tag
2)  Brick Roulette
3)  Over The Brick
4)  Truth or Brick
5)  Drop the Brick
6)  Brick Conquerors
7)  Duck Duck Brick

My all time favorite would have to be Truth or Brick - especially since my daughter is going through a really difficult break up with a lying bastard.  (If that is a little too strong for your delicate ears I'm sorry - no I'm not.  I'm mad!.)

I would like to play this charming game with Psycho Boy (my pet name for the liar liar pants on fire psycho)

It does my heart good just to imagine his scared face as I raise my brick to smash his head in each time he tells lies about my daughter.  I am not by nature a violent person but don't mess with my children.  Mess with my cubs and I turn into a raging Mama Bear and I take no prisoners.

Yes, I feel much better now that I have gotten that off my chest.

Anyone want to come over and play a new fun game with me???

The Butterfly

I looked into my mirror this morning and to my dismay saw the caterpillar once again.  Where did the beautiful butterfly go? 

Hadn't I struggled enough? 

I had thought once a butterfly always a butterfly.  I realized I had never fully attained the grandeur to fly but I had escaped the tight bindings of the cocoon and had stood tall and free displaying my neon colored wings.

Now in the mirror the truth looked back at me.  Who did I think I was anyway?

Wait, oh my!  Looking closer I see the butterfly is still there - not the old brown fuzzy caterpillar.  Her lovely wings are wrapped tight around her body concealing her beauty from the world.  With a little effort I am able to coax her to relax and unfurl her wings, those brightly colored wings I had so admired.

To my chagrin I see small rips and tears in the delicate tissue wings.  Then I realize with shame, the tattered wings are all due to my folly.  I had been brazen and flown too close to sharp deadly obstacles before I had fully become a master of flying.  Then all tattered and torn I had retreated once again into the safe haven of the cocoon.

Let's take a step out of my fantasy world and see what really is going on here.  Isn't this what most of us do?  We work hard for that promotion, that new diet and exercise plan, our new social status, then we take one missed step and we retreat.  We surrender to the familiar where we feel safe.  One step forward, two steps back.  

I was doing well on my diet plan and then I got caught up in day to day living and went back to eating convenience foods.  This morning I stepped on the scales and found I had gained back most of the weight I had lost.  Then looking in the mirror brushing my teeth I felt fat, old and ugly.  I had gone to bed really tired last night and hadn't removed my makeup so my eyes were smudged with black mascara and my hair looked worse than Dorothy's friend the scarecrow's hair looked.  No amount of brushing could tame that mess.

I admit, I am a shy butterfly afraid of what the world will think of me.  I run back to the shelter of my cocoon whenever my imagination creates large ugly monsters that I myself fear.  To be a butterfly always I must work at it.  I must cultivate the qualities to change my life.  That is a full time job, not part time as I had assumed.

I know I am a butterfly.  I was meant to be a butterfly.  I was meant to fly and fly I will!

Where Did January Go?

I can't believe January 2012 is three/quarters the way through and I am still trying to get myself organized for the new year.  The key word here is "trying".  However, I have a feeling I'm not alone in the fantasy of resolutions vs. the reality of execution conundrums.

A fellow blogger came up with a ingenious idea (an idea he got from another blogger - we bloggers stick together).  He did not start his new resolutions January 1 but rather will be starting February 1, 2012.  The reasoning is quite rational.  There is much too much chaos in the merry month of December.  We all need a month to cool down and reflect before jumping head long into the stress of change.

I now wish I had adopted this idea myself. 

Would it have made a difference?  After spending some time reflecting on what I have accomplished in the last three weeks I think not. 

Have I accomplished all that much?

No, but I fear I would not have accomplished any more if I had waited.  The journey begins with the first step not at a given time. 

I have begun exercising again.  Not as strenuous as my goal stated.  I have plenty of excuses and trust me, I have used them all.  Still I have taken that first step.

I have lost five pounds.  Not a lot of weight but then I have not starved myself either.  I have simply been cutting out the excessive carbs I had been devouring and substituting them with fruits and vegetables.

I have not gotten much further on my book.  This one is a real struggle for me.  Still I haven't given up.  I realize the process is slow but I will prevail.

My house is looking better as I work on my organizational skills.  I have taken two bags of items to Goodwill since the beginning of the year and there will be many more following them.

Good thing 2012 consists of twelve months not one.  I still have lots of time to get my act together. 

I think I'll put on my exercise clothes on and get started on one of those goals right now.  How about you?

Out Of Sorts Lou

For the last week I have been out of sorts.  I seldom am irritable and usually very easy to get along with, yet as I was preparing for my weekend with Darrell I became agitated and downright ornery.  By the time I arrived at his house I had cussed a fellow driver and was in a mood to start an argument.  So unlike me. 

As I walked into Darrell's home I announced in no uncertain terms that I was in a mood and could not guarantee the evening would run smoothly.  Darrell proceeded to hold me and pet me as if I were his pet puppy.  That's right.  It didn't help but since I was trained to always act the part of a lady, I behaved.

The weekend did go well.  We spent much of our time with friends and I stayed busy.

Stay Busy!  That seems to be the clue to my irritability.  Since I received my kindle (of which I love dearly) I have done nothing much at all except read.

No Creativity!

Creativity takes many forms for me (writing, crafting, painting, devising clever ways to avoid housework - my personal favorite) so it is really quite easy for me to get a quick infusion of pleasure when I indulge myself in a creative activity.  Creating gives me a quick and magical high.

So if I enjoy it so much, why haven't I been playing?

New year's resolutions and my new kindle.

Once again it comes back to choices.

I choose to continue to work on my goals.

I choose not to be a grumpy old woman.

Therefore, I will read less and use that extra time to work on my art journal which I have not touched for months.

Win win solution.  I think this is going to work.

The Buck

The Buck!  No, not the buck stops here or any other clever cliche".  Just the buck! 

Monday Darrell and I went for a hike through the woods at Cahokia Mounds hoping to see some deer.  We had walked a couple of miles and found no wildlife at all.  Nothing but mud left behind after the snow melted.  Yuk!  My shoes were heavy, caked with mud and grass.

As we were heading back down the path toward the truck in the distance I finally saw what we had come for.  No, I take that back, this was not just a deer.  This was one of God's most beautiful creations.  There on the path stood a buck probably 200 pounds with a spectacular rack, his head cocked listening for my footsteps.  I knew I should remain perfectly still but excitement over took reasoning and out of my mouth spewed  "Look - look--look!  He was so magnificent, so grand, that is all my feeble mind could come up with.

Of, course, that is all she wrote.  One brief second he stood there in all his glory and then he was gone.  Still the image remains with me vividly.

Now I am back in my little magic cottage fully engaged in plans for 2012 with dates penciled in for travel and new adventures.  A trip overseas to Spain, white water rafting, checking out the light houses along the Atlantic Ocean, and hiking through the Smokies. 

Yet, right now I just want to explore the beauty and wonder of the gifts God has given us.  Those things that cost little financially.  God only asks us to slow down, open our eyes and breath deeply.  I need to be reminded of that often.  Perhaps now would be a good time to start that Gratitude Journal.

We Have A Choice

I am reading Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court.  Our hero in this tale is a time traveler, not by choice but rather by accident.  He is a rough and tumble American lad who enjoys a good fight now and then until he is knocked unconscious by a big mule of a man and wakes up in the year of our Lord 528 in Britain.

I have read other works by Twain years ago and only remembered his stories as amusing.  I had forgotten that he was not only a humorist but also a political activist.  Yes, I am enjoying the delightful tale of life in the sixth century but I am also intrigued by this man's political views.  Keep in mind that Mark Twain was born in the year 1889 so his political views are different from ours yet still not so different.

Mark Twain writes his story during a time of servitude in Britain where there were two classes of people, the very rich and the very, very poor.  The rich lived off the food and services provided by the poor.  The poor survived  (just barely) off the dirges the rich did not consume.

I can't help but notice some similarities to modern day U.S.A.  We have three classes here.  The very rich, middle class and poverty.  However, we have one very big difference.  The poor in Twain's tale had no choice.  They either lived to serve the rich or they died.  That simple.  We have a choice.

So why are there so many poor people here in this great country?  Partly because there is so much greed by the rich but could there be another reason.? 

Fear?  Fear of change? 

Risk?  Fear of risk? 

I don't know the answer but I think this country is still the best place to be in 2012. 

Twain's hero refuses to sit around on his rump and watch the rich enjoy their spoils although he has the opportunity to do just that.  Instead he takes his knowledge gained from living in America during the early nineteenth century to improve the lot of the impoverished Brits.

We have choices to make everyday.  We can choose to ignore them and sit on our rumps and let whatever follow by doing nothing or we can make a choice.  I choose to make my own decision. 

How about you?

Burn Out Already?

Here it is, the second week of January 2012 and I'm already feeling some goal burn out, dream burn out.

I've found myself feeling peevish like a spoiled teenager wanting to pout and tell everyone to get off my cloud, out of my space.

So what happened to my determination for achieving the best year of my life?  Simple, I have asked too much of myself. 

Or have I?  Is is just my concept of what too much is?

"The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it."  James M. Barrie

I humbly ask for you patience and forgiveness.  I will now get out of my own way and back to creating the life I was meant to live.

I'm No One Special

After writing my blog yesterday I started doubting myself.  That little voice in my head can be such a downer. 

You know the one.

The one who says "Who do you think you are?" 

"You are such a dip!"

"I'm no one special, who do I think I am that I can make a difference?"

Since when do we need to be someone special to serve?  I am my number one critic.  It is time to get out from under that basket I've been hiding under.

I WILL NOT HIDE!
I WILL NOT COLLAPSE!
I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO MY INNER CRITIC!

"I am only one, but still I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can do something, and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to so something I can do."  This quote comes from a deaf and blind woman born June 27, 1880, Helen Keller.  Back then we did not have all the government agencies to help the disabled.  She did not let her disabilities stop her from being the person she was meant to be.  Helen Keller was an author, political activist and lecturer.  She was the first deaf blind woman to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree.

What disabilities do I have?  None worth mentioning.  I so what is my excuse?

Oops, I guess that says it all.  All I have are excuses.  No more excuses.  Get up and get moving.  There has got to be something I can do to serve.  Guess I had better contact Dave Barnes.

My Kindle

Darrell, bless his little pea pickin' heart, gave me a kindle for Christmas.  All my friends and family know how much I love to read so they also know this is the most incredible gift I could receive. 

I had been throwing the idea around for sometime and almost bought one myself but something kept holding me back. You see, I love my books.  They aren't inanimate objects to me.  They are my friends, I flip through the pages tenderly and caress them like a lover.  I was having difficulty seeing that same relationship with a hunk of plastic.

I have finished my first book on the kindle and have started two more.  (Yes two, one for research and the other for pleasure.) 

I have found I do miss the smell and touch of a real book but there are advantages of the kindle.  If I decide I want to read a book I do not own I no longer have to run to the mall or get on the computer to order the book then wait for its delivery.  I can order the book through my kindle and have it in mere seconds.  AMAZING!  Plus kindle has over 7,000 free books.  Most of them are the classics.  I had already decided to start reading the classics just to find out what has made them so special for all these years. Now I can make this discovery for free.

I just finished reading The Secret Garden by Frances Halcyon Burnett (a classic) and have started reading Alice In Wonderland (another classic) both free.  Next I plan to read JRR Tolkien trilogy The Lord of the Ring.  I am told that will take quite a while to read.

Here are a few other books on my wish list.. Most of them I can get free.  Hooray for free!

The Time Travelers Wife - Audrey Neffenegger
Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
To Kill A Mockingbird -  Harper Lee
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Chronicles of Narnia -C.S. Lewis
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
The Wizard of Oz - Frank Baum
Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery
Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson
The Inferno - Dante
Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
The Three Musketeers - Abercandre Dumas
The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint Exupery
Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
The Count of Monte Carlo - Alexandra Dumas
The Kite Runner - Khalid Hosseni
A Connecticut Yankee in King Author's Court - Mark Twain
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Eyre

That should keep me busy for a while.  Happy Reading!

The Cocoon

Last week I was exploring the Blogospere and came across a blog devoted to nothing but motivational stories, some short, some long, some interesting and some ho hum boring.  The following story I would like to pass on.

Cocoon:

One bright day a man found a cocoon of a butterfly.  Intrigued with his find he brought it home to observe.  After a time a small opening appeared in the cocoon.

Excitedly the man watched for several hours as the butterfly struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed the butterfly could no longer make any progress.  It appeared as if the butterfly had gotten as far as it could, and simply could go no further.

The man took it upon himself to help the butterfly and took a pair of scissors and ever so gently snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon so that the butterfly could easily emerge.

As the butterfly emerged, the man was surprised at the form of the butterfly.  The poor things body was swollen and small, its wings were shriveled.

What the man did not understand is that the butterfly needed to struggle through the restricting cocoon to be able to fly.  The butterfly must push its way through the tiny opening to force the fluid from its body and wings.  Only by struggling through the opening can the butterfly's wings be ready for flight once it emerges from its cocoon.

Struggling is not fun or easy.  It is difficult for those who love us to watch, however the strife makes us stronger.  Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.  If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as what we could have been and we could never fly.

Spread your wings and prepare to fly.  Become a butterfly!

Yet Another Election Year

Over the last two years I have grieved deeply.  A part of me died when Lester Hall died.  I would like to say my grieving period is over now that I am happy with Darrell but I still miss him terribly.

During this time period I seemed to have lost my way in the world.  For two years I walked as if asleep, in a dream like world.  Present yet absent. 

Awakened now to what I once possessed and now no longer have, I look around to see a new world.  A world I recognize but changed and not all for the better.

New technology - super!
More government - greed!
Less Jobs - hopelessness!
Debt - devastating!
Attitude of the youth - selfish!

2012 is an election year. 

In my youth politics interested me.  With youthful exuberance I walked door to door preaching for a change to rid our government of corruption.  Little did I know then that power creates greed and corruption.  The men I believed in became just as corrupt as those I worked so hard to get out of office.

I became disillusioned and even though I voted, I no longer worked for any single person, believing no one was capable of fighting off the allure of sex, drugs and money.

I now see that I was wrong.  Not wrong to think that no one is incorruptible but wrong for not at least trying to find that person who can truly make a difference.

A couple of months ago a complete stranger knocked on my door soliciting my signature on his petition to run for office.  I didn't know him from Adam but there was something about him that made me believe that I could trust him.

I am going to stick my neck out one more time.  I believe Dave Barnes truly wants to make a difference and I am going to put on my walking shoes and start walking door to door campaigning for him.

Please don't slam the door in my face.  Give me a chance to make a difference just as I am giving Dave Barnes that chance.

What Ever Happened To That Book?

Christmas, Darrell's daughter-in-law, Kristy gave me a beautiful journal and pen.  I am grateful for the gifts, not because she was thoughtful by purchasing something lovely (and they truly are lovely) for me but because she paid attention to who I am and what I like.  When I thanked her she told all Darrell's family that I am writing a book. 

How sweet and considerate!  I am truly grateful.

So, what ever happened to that book?

I haven't completely abandoned it but I certainly have not been a good nurturing parent either. 

A funny thing happened on my way to becoming a famous author and artist. 

I stopped grieving.  Not completely.  I have moments when I miss Les so much I break down but most of the time I am truly happy once again.  (Thank you, Darrell)

It is difficult to write a book about grief and dying when one is happy.  Just the same I do believe my book needs to be written for those out there who are grieving deeply and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Therefore, I will dig out my old notes and get back to the book. A blogging friend of mine starts his day off with his Hour Of Power (HOP).  Every morning he dedicates one hour to improving himself.  I have decided to begin my own HOP which will be dedicated to the book.  An hour a day is enough time.  More time spent on such a dreary subject would start bringing me down and I don't like that person.

Thank you Rich, for your clever idea.  I am sure it will be quite beneficial to me as it is to you.

How Long to Really Change

New year resolutions are all about exchanging old bad habits for new healthy fulfilling habits. 

Sounds easy, right?  Out with the old and in with the new.

But what did Pudd "N" Head Wilson say?   "Habit is habit and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.?

I've heard it said that it takes 21 straight days of doing something different to make it a new habit. 

Well, I've done that and it didn't work.  I exercised 5 days a week for 2 years and first chance I got to quit, I did.

So how long does it really take to make a permanent change?

One study showed it took an average of 66 days before the behavior becomes automatic.  The study was not conclusive.  Some subjects made a permanent change in 18 days while others took a grueling 245 days.

Discouraging?

Yes -- but change takes time.

So, I've decided to look at this differently.  One big change such as my goal to regain my health takes many small changes.  I will break it down into bite sizes instead of swallowing the whole concept in one big greedy gulp.

1) Cut out sodas
2) Cut out fried foods
3)Reduce portion sizes
4)Eat more vegetables
5)Walk 30 minutes a day

There is no quick fix.  Instead of 21 days to achieve my goal I have elected to take 365 days.  I'll report back to you in 2013 with the final results.

Eat A Live Frog

I love Mark Twain quotes.  That man could say some of the most ridiculous things and still manage to hit the nail on the head.

One of his silly sayings was that if the first thing you did each morning was to eat a live frog, you could go through the rest of the day with the satisfaction of knowing that the day couldn't get much worse.

That being said I have decided to start my day off from this day forward by exercising.  It isn't that I hate to exercise because in truth I really don't mind, but I do hate to exercise alone.  I have tried to find people to exercise with me to no avail unless I want to hire them and that just isn't a feasible option.

My offer to exercise with me is open to any comers.  I promise not to groan and moan and complain too much.  I need you!

OK, I'll eat my frog alone.

My Shame

To my great charin, I never seem to finish what I start.  My home is filled with half-done projects.

     I bought new railing for my front porch.  Still in the garage 2 1/2 years later.
     Tore out door carpeting off front porch with intentions of painting it.  Oops it needed to be resurfaced. 
           I bought the resurfacing concrete but never resurfaced the porch.
     Started a scrapbook for Dad of our family Alaskan Cruise 2 years ago.
     Painted the wood work of one window in bedroom.  Never touched the others.
     Dug a hole in backyard for a fish pond.  Just a hole, nothing else.
     Writing a book about Art Journaling.  No farther now than I was a year ago.
     Made craft room and exercise room in basement, OK, just a craft room exercise room incomplete.

This is just a partial list.  Remember, I am the girl with the scathingly brilliant ideas.  The ideas just keep on coming but the motivation to complete the ideas just isn't there.  I quickly lose interest and look for another scathingly brilliant idea.

This leads me to my next resolution.

This work in progress is going to get organized so that I can start completing projects.

Pudd "N" Head Wilson said "Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time." (Mark Twain)  That being said, I know this is not going to be easy for me.  I have spent my whole life bouncing from one uncompleted project to the next.

The time has come to put a stop to this endless, mindless, unproductive behavior.

Just say NO.

First and Most Important Resolution

As all my friends and family know, I am an avid reader, so naturally when deciding to make 2012 the best year ever for this ole gal I got out the self-help books.  According to the "experts" a ho-hum resolution or goal such as I will get healthy this year just won't do the trick.  The words have to reach out and touch you and motivate you to make that change or in my case it has to reach out and slap me up the side of the head and yell something like "Get off your lazy ass and move".  That's what it took when I hired Trainer Nelson.  He was able to motivate me.  No longer do I go to see a trainer and I will not be going any time soon because I just don't have that type of money to spend.  It is now up to me.

So what do I really want 2012 to bring?

Better health,  That's right, I really want is to get my health back.  I hate to admit it but I have been having some symtoms of heart disease.  I have been to a cardiologist a couple of years ago who threw pills at me rather than giving me healthy alternatives.  Long story, but needless to say I won't be back to see him again.

I have been researching heart disease and have come to the conclusion the American doctor is over worked and does not have the time needed to treat his patients properly so he "throws pills" at them rather than consulting privately to discover what would work best for each individual.

Dr. Julian Whitaker wrote the book Reversing Heart Disease which outlines a program he offers in his clinic to prevent, treat, and eliminate cardiac problems without surgery.  What he asks of his patients is not easy but it works. 

It is a new life style. One that I intend to make mine.  I resolve to exchange the donuts for oatmeal and the beef for tuna.  Others have done it.  I can too!