Late Bloomer or Am I Just Fooling Myself?

As I am sure I have mentioned before, I'm not what you'd call technology savvy.  I'm not an artist and I'm certainly not an author.  You'd think by the time a person is considered a senior they'd know their strengths - what they were put on this earth for.

Not me.

61 and still completely in the dark.

When I worked at the bank I always felt I was destined for something better, something more exciting.  I didn't know what it was, but somewhere in the back of mind I just knew I was different, special.  Now as you know I have been told I am eccentric so doesn't that mean something?

I thought maybe I was just a late bloomer.  Then when Les died and I showed my art journals to the people from hospice who absolutely salivated over the pages of my art I thought Voila I have bloomed.

No, once I sat down in front of the computer to write my story my IQ dropped about 20 points.  What makes a computer tick is a total mystery to me.  Part of me still has this irrational fear I'll push the wrong button and smoke will start coming out of my monitor.  With no small difficulty I've stumbled my way through learning the basics.  I can check my e-mail and order books off Amazon.  And I'm proud to say that after a particularly frustrating week of experimenting with blogs, I'd figured out how to set up my very own blog.  But download, upload - it is all gobbledygook to me.

Needless to say, publishing my book is way out of my league.

So now I'm wondering, am I different or am I just another Average Jane?  (Probably Jane Doe cause no one will know who I am when I die.)  Does everyone feel they are different but just haven't found their niche in life yet like me except for those few celebrities?

Now please understand, I wish well for others but I can't help but hope that I am special (stop rolling your eyes, you know what I mean) and I am just a late bloomer.  But the thing is, if I don't start blooming pretty soon I'm going to end up dead and alone is this dirty little town in this little house rotting around me.

Is that what I want?  I don't think so.