Stop Saying You're Fine

One of my new blog friends introduced me to Mel Robbins' book Stop Saying You're Fine which is just another sappy self-help book. She made thisinteresting point "We deny how we feel because in our society, you're not supposed to be unhappy."  I've come to notice I am not happy and as confusing as this may sound, I am not unhappy.  I am somewhere in between.

I have been trying to use her book as a guide to determine what is going on in my little pea brain.  It is pretty scary.  It is beginning to look like I have been reading too many books to the grandchildren.  My grey stuff looks an awful lot like Pooh's grey fluff.

Mel Robbins says we normally pick easy, surface level problems to work on so we don't have to tackle the tough stuff, things like I need to lose weight, go back to work, my fiances are a mess.  You get the picture.  Sure enough, when I first started listing problems I realized these items were simply annoyances.  So what is really bothering me? 

Shame!  Regret!  I have just realized I have squandered too many years without ever chasing my dreams causing me to feel life is empty, without purpose.  It is difficult admitting this to myself and even worse admitting to others.  It is as if I am a bad girl and I am disappointed and frustrated on a daily basis with myself.

So what's a girl to do?  The dreams I had for success as a young woman no longer have value to me.  Back then I wanted to have a good paying job and respect from management. 

What do I want to do with this life of mine?  Looks like I am going to have to stir the grey fluff around in my head a little more.  What will I find?