My First Retreat

I am so excited and yet scared.  I have just registered to participate in my first retreat, Creative is a Verb. The retreat isn't until April 19, 2012 so I have plenty of time to get my act together and chase my fears and insecurities away.  I wanted to do it this year but chickened out.  The retreat was April 7, 2011 held in North Carolina and was being conducted by one of my favorite authors, Patti Digh.  The reason I am scared is because Patti Digh is so brilliant and funny and everything I want to be.  She writes about not comparing ourselves to others so that we can be all that we were meant to be but when I read one description of her by a man who interviewed her, how can I not be in awe and feel inferior?  This is what one interviewer said about her, "If the Buddha had two kids, a dog named Blue, a Southern accent, and a huge crush on Johnny Depp, his name would be Patti Digh".  She was one of five finalist for the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award and a nominee for a Book of the Year award from the Southern Independent Booksellers Association.   I'm telling you, if you haven't read anything by her you have no idea what your life is missing.  She writes about opening your eyes to see the world in a completely different light.  I just realized I am rambling.  Sorry but I just love her.

One of Patti Digh's first rules to a fuller life is to let go of the expectations of others.  Let go of the fear of what others might say or think.  That is extremely difficult to do.  We have been conditioned since childhood for approval.  At first we look for approval from our parents and then we enter school and our search for approval widens.  We now look for approval from our teachers and our peers.  If you thought it was difficult to receive approval from those who love you, oh baby, you ain't seen nothing yet.  So your ego gets kicked around a lot while growing up.  No wonder children can hardly wait to grow up and leave school.  What a surprise when we then find out it is harder on the "outside".  It can be compared to criminals who first get out of prison.  While in they can hardly wait to get out but then they are confronted with no job, no money and no place to leave.  Sadly that is what happens to our children.  That is why so many return home after being in the "real world" for a short time, just as many criminals return to prison.

I am prepared to risk humiliation for lacking talent just to be in Patti's presence.  I hope that some of her genius will rub off on me.  I have read her latest book, Creative is a Verb, and am trying to live by her six creative commitments that go as follows:

     Be ordinary; put down your clever and come as you are.
     See more; turn around and look.
     Get present; see the beauty in the every day ordinary moments.
     Catch fire; find your passion and live in it.
     Clear ground; stop the clutter.
     Let Go; ignore all the critics.

It sounds so easy as written here but truly isn't, mostly due to the expectations of others.  My first 25 years out of high school gave me some pretty rough times.  During that time I lost my fire, my passion.  For the past 20 years I have been rediscovering that passion and I would put my passion for life up against all others and I think I would win.  Not bad for a woman who once depended on anti-depressants to get through the day.  When you have been on the bottom for years and you find yourself on top it is like taking drugs.  It is addictive and you never want to go back again to that dull lifelessness.  All you want is more!  So I am going to Patti Digh's retreat for some more of that feel good drug called living life as an adventure every day.