Worst Job Experience

Tomorrow my father and I are headed for Branson for some family fun.  I'll be away from my 'puter for a week so thought I'd give you something to laugh over while I'm away.  I came across this e-mail I received several years ago from one of my customers.  It was so funny I couldn't just delete it.

This is supposedly a true story told by a guy named Rob, a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.  He sent it to his sister, Sue.

The e-mail starts out, Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.  Last week I had a bad day at the office.  I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.  Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.  As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.  I wear a suit to the office.  It's a wetsuit.  This time of year the water is quite cool.  So what we do to keep warm is this;  We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.  This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea.  It heats it to a delightful temperature.  It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.  Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.  This floods my whole suit with warm water.  It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Nothing funny yet, right?  It now gets better.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.  So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made things worse.  Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.  I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.  In agony I realized what had happened.  The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.  Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.  However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.  When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass.  I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.   His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.  Needless to say I aborted the dive.  I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.  When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.  As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber.  The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for 2 days because my asshole was swollen shut.  So, next time your having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be it you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did when I read this the first time.