Art Journaling to acknowledge changes in my life

When we were told Les' cancer was inoperable I had to accept that my life would most likely never be the same again. My art journal gave me a lifeline. Les called my art journaling "playing". Yes, I was playing but my playing was my coping mechanism. It was my escape from the reality that I was losing the love of my life. A love that we all search for but many never find. I was losing my best friend, my biggest supporter.

His serious illness was also a strong reminder of my own mortality. The lines in my face got deeper as the years went by. But as long as I was with this man we could laugh about them. We laughed about the pudgy bellies. That extra weight just didn't matter. In fact we had a nightly ritual of dancing by the music of whatever was on television that night and rubbing our bellies together. And we laughed about it. We were completely comfortable with our aging bodies. I suppose that is the way it is with all men and women who have been together for years.

Watching him die suddenly made me feel old. Several pages in my art journal centered around aging. Goldie Meir said "Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard there's nothing you can do." I felt as if my plane was heading straight for a tornado and no matter how I begged, the pilot kept the same course. Every time I would go through a pity party about getting old I would turn right around and have my very own guilt party for thinking of myself when Les was in so much pain. How could I think of myself at a time like that and yet, how could I not. I was facing old age alone.

My art journal became a haven in which I could ponder the overwhelming emotional trauma that came along with losing my loved one. My art journal was my companion to whom I acknowledged and recorded the changes taking place in my life as I adjusted to that empty chair at the kitchen table.

This was written to accompany some of the images from my art journal that I hope to have published one day. This morning I finally came up with a name for my book. Grieving, Healing, and the Pursuit of Happiness Through Art Journaling. If anyone has any other ideas please let me know. Thanks.