Will I ever learn from my mistakes???

Agghh!&#@*&%^##?? I just wantta know, does everyone go through periods of stupidity or is it just me? I like to think that I am just a nice guy so I get taken advantage of, but I know that is not the case. For an intelligent woman, I am really stupid. And it is all my fault. You see I cannot stay focused. I fly from one thing to another. I can't pay attention unless I'm doing many things at once. I have been known to read three books at once while working on an art project. For my friends I am sure this is quite amusing because there is seldom a boring moment in my life. Many of my friends are anxious to read my facebook entries just to see what type of an adventure I am into now. Barbara Sher (she wrote Wishcraft) has a name for people with my disability. She calls us "Scanners". Scanners have their own special way of thinking. Their area of interest are many and versified. I am sure my newly found friend, Robin is laughing right now. She is so totally organized and I am so totally unorganized and unfocused. A regular slob. So you see, I realize when things go wrong, as they do quite often, it is my fault. But how do I stop this vicious cycle?

OK, let's backup. Where is all this anquish coming from? Since my sleep cycle is always screwed up I was sluggish this morning and had problems getting ready to go to the dentist this morning for my quarterly cleaning. I thought my appointment was at 9:30 A.M. but called the office just to be sure. No the appointment was for 11:30 A.M. Good? Yes and no. That meant I had to cancel my luncheon appointment with a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, but a very dear friend who I hadn't seen for months. I was truly disappointed and if I had checked my calender on my cell phone when I talked to her the night before all this could have been avoided. I had actually put the appointment in the cell phone memory with an alert so I wouldn't miss it.

The dentist appointment went well. No cavities and my gums were doing well. I have had some issues with inflamation therefore I have my teeth cleaned quarterly rather than semi-annually. (Bet you really wanted to know that.) Instead of heading home I decided to check with the community college to see why I never received my refund check for the class I dropped last fall. This is where the real Aagghh! started. It seems that I dropped the class one week too late. Therefore I did not get a refund. Not even a partial refund. Shit! I could really use that money since I am taking my father to Texas this week. But the need for money actually was not what upset me. What upset me was the reason I had dropped the class. I had just started seeing Darrell when I signed up for the class. I was really struggling in the class. So rather than continue to struggle and at least learn something, I dropped the class. Thus freeing Wednesday evenings to spend time with Darrell. Not a very good reason to drop the class.

So now here I am, short $300 and still struggling with my poor computer skills. My skills are so poor I had to have my friend, Kathy enroll me for the Mud Run. I spent an hour jumping page after page, never finding the one to register me as a participant. She had it done in less than five minutes. I feel like such a dunce. The problem goes back to focus. I could not figure out the Mud Run enrollment because there was way too many items to choose from. I know, I tried them all.

The sad thing in all this is I know without a doubt I will not change. I kinda like myself this way. The world is full of people who will go their whole lives and not actually live one day. I do not intend to be one of them. My house is a wreck, I am taking Dad to Texas for a few days and when I come home I want to have another girls night out at my house. I was thinking it would be kind of fun to have a bingo party. I've never done that before. Anyone who wants to come can bring a prize. I think it would be fun to have the prize something the guest had made but I am afraid I would have no one come to my party. Whereas I love creating things, many people are afraid their work of art is not good enough so they will not try. Of course I could have a craft party and teach my girlfriends to make something. I did that in Florida at the marina Les and I stayed at. It was loads of fun.

Finished with my belly aching. Yes, I am responsible for all the anguish I go through. Funny, most of us, including myself will cause pain for themselves before they will hurt another. We think of causing pain to another as unethical. So isn't it also unethical to cause ourselves pain?