When did I get so old?

Last night as I lay in bed I thought about my changing view of myself since Les' illness and finally his death.  Funny, 17 years came and went so quickly.  I remember finding a picture of Les while he was ill and commenting to him that I thought his hair was gray when we started dating but the picture proved me wrong. 
Somehow we grew old and never noticed.  He was always strong and handsome to me and yet he and I had both aged.  We both got more wrinkles, gained weight, slowed down and I didn't notice.  Then he got ill and I looked in the mirror and saw an old woman.

There is a story going around on the Internet through personal e-mail about just that.  As the story goes, a woman is complaining that a stranger has moved into her house.  This stranger is uninvited and unwelcome.  Yet every time she passes a mirror she sees this old woman.  She wonders who this person is. 

Yes, that is how I felt and I must say, I felt afraid.  Always in the past I had this strong confident man walking beside me.  I now realized I was an old (maybe not old but no longer young) woman without a job and very limited income.  The economy was in dire straits.  I was only one in millions out of work, but I was at a difficult age to find employment.  What was I to do?  However in all those years that I was with Les, I never took money from him.  I had always stayed financially independent.  I could do it again.

It has been 19 months since Les' death.  I am still unemployed but I am doing just fine.  I find that I really don't need a lot and being retired is kind of fun.  I have time to spend with friends, family, grandchildren and play with my hobbies. And maybe now is the time to write that book.